3 Reasons Why People Shut Down Emotionally

#Rejection #Avoidantattachment #Judgment #Shame #Emotions #Triple5LightTherapy #BlackMaleTherapist #BlackTherapist #LGBTAffirmingTherapy #Triple5LightTherapy

Loving someone who shuts down, stonewalls you, or simply will not communicate, causes a quandary, particularly if you can tell by their lack of engagement that something is going on deep below the surface.
Alternatively, if you have shut down emotionally yourself, you might review some of the following reasons why people close themselves off and ask yourself if one or more of them ring true for you.

#1 Fear of Rejection
If you or someone you love has experienced trauma, voicing your needs or feelings is a significant risk. Often, people managing life after trauma feel vulnerable and expressing their feelings opens them up emotionally to additional pain or rejection.
Sharing feelings in the wake of grief also poses communication challenges since individuals processing complex emotions feel fear of opening the floodgates.
If you have ever lost someone due to estrangement, death, or divorce, you know that talking about your feelings (or admitting you have them) can trigger tears, anger, or other expressions that potentially put others off.
After all, when someone has a strong emotional reaction, you might fear saying the wrong thing.

#2 Avoidant Attachment Adaptation
Individuals with Attachment injury that lean toward Avoidant reflect their childhood trauma of, “You’re on your own.”
When we learn at an early age that our needs will not be met, or only sometimes be met (Ambivalent/Anxious), responding with shutdown is not just habitual, but also familiar (“safe”). When lost in the woods, we often go back to what we know as a default, though it may result in perpetual patterns that have never truly worked for us.

#3 They Feel Guilty or Judged
Both people with Ambivalent and Avoidant Attachment adaptations have difficulty with admitting they have needs or expressing them because they might not be met. Internally, this can manifest as a fear of judgment and even express itself in the guilt of having needs at all.

For Ambivalently attached individuals, they might tell you their feelings and then sabotage your response when it is not enough or “just right.”
What to Do When Someone You Love Shuts Down

It’s important to remember that helping loved ones, friends, or even co-workers express themselves effectively takes time – and a come knowledge about how our early Attachment wounds impact our adult relationships.

Here are a few tips:
Be present and remember that their Avoidance likely has little to do with you.
Provide a safe space and remind them that you are available.
Keep your promise; be available.
Put your judgment in the backseat.
Actively listen.
Provide abundant reassurance.

BY Diane Poole Heller -June 23, 2018

Comments

Five Simple Ways to Start Communicating More Mindfully

#Communication #HealthyRelationship #Mindfulness If you've ever practiced mindfulness, you're probably already aware of the many benefits it offers for the willing and dedicated practitioner. When we open ourselves to this practice, we create the potential for our lives to be transformed in ways that might seem subtle but are truly life-altering. Though many of the benefits of mindfulness are personal and internal—improved concentration, expanded sense of awareness, increased patience, and enduring states of tranquility, to name a few—some important aspects of the practice can positively affect our external experience as well. Take communication, for example. Using mindfulness in our communication with others can improve our relationships and help us navigate even the most difficult conversations. If you already have a practice of cultivating mindfulness, a little intention is all you’ll need to start applying it to your communication. If you haven’t yet developed a pra...

New fascinating insights on the psychological effects of Hugging

#Hug #Hugging #Emotions #Stress #Mood #BlackMaleTherapist #Psychotherapy #MentalHealth During the COVID-19 pandemic and associated lockdowns and restrictions, one of the things many people missed most was getting hugged by their loved ones. This led to an increased interest in the positive effects of hugging in the psychology research community and several studies published over the last year have yielded new insights on what it means to us to be hugged. Here are four of the most interesting new insights into the science of hugging. 1. Getting hugged by others, but also hugging yourself, reduces stress hormones A recent study by researcher Aljoscha Dreisoerner from the Goethe University in Frankfurt, Germany, and his team focused on the positive effects of hugging on stress (Dreisoerner et al., 2021). Interestingly, the scientists not only investigated how getting hugged by other people could reduce stress, but also whether hugging yourself (e.g., when other people are not ...

The Unique Benefits of Teletherapy.

#BlackTherapist #Teletherapy #Triple5LightTherapy.com #AfricanAmerican #Therapist b y Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. Teletherapy is seen as an inferior alternative to in-person therapy. But while it has some drawbacks, online therapy has plenty of pluses, too. First the drawbacks: Some clients miss their therapist’s office, which they associate with safety and healing, said Jodi Aman , LCSW, a psychotherapist in Rochester, N.Y. Technical difficulties—from poor internet connections to visibility issues–can interrupt sessions. Finding a private, quiet space at home can be challenging. Still, many people prefer teletherapy. As psychologist Regine Galanti , Ph.D, pointed out, the biggest myth about teletherapy is that it’s “a plan B approach.” Many of Galanti’s clients have been doing online sessions for years. Her teen clients, in particular, like attending therapy in their own space. Teletherapy is also convenient. “[I]t removes time barriers for people to ...

5 Communication Tweaks That Increase Intimacy

#Communication #trust #Empathy #Attachment #mirroring #reciprocating #apology #defensive #Psychology “Working on our communication” is one of the most commonly cited reasons couples seek relationship counseling. This is not surprising. Often, over time, even the best of relationships can fall victim to negative communication patterns. This is especially true for couples who find themselves under a lot of stress because, naturally, when our coping mechanisms are overtaxed, we default to older—more primitive and less mature—ways of coping (cf. Weinberger & Stoycheva, 2019). A colleague used to say that when we are distressed, we become caricatures of ourselves—i.e., our worst qualities become exaggerated. It gets harder to employ our most thought-out and balanced ways of interacting with the world. However, several tweaks only require a little time or effort, just repetition, and attention to our automatic behaviors that we can make to improve our connection with our partners. ...

Triple5Light Therapy

Search This Blog