8 Things No One Should Say in a Text

#Texting #HealthyRelationship

Have you ever sent a text you wished you could take back? Or have you ever received a text that confused you, hurt you, or made you angry? If you have, you may understand how texting can be a risky framework for building relationships.

Face-to-face is where relationships live and thrive, so, as a rule of thumb, try to save the important stuff for face-to-face conversations. Here are eight specific things to avoid when texting:

1. Complaints.

“I told you not to text me during finals.” or, “You should be nicer to my parents.” Because your recipient can’t hear your voice, they have no idea just how big a deal this is to you. Does it warrant a breakup? Are you only mildly annoyed? Or are you just playing?

2. Insults.

“I knew I could count on you to be late,” or, “Typical male response.” Insults, like complaints, aren’t any more fun to read than they are to hear, and they can be confusing. Also, you might regret what you said later when you’ve had more time to think about it. When it comes to negativity over texts, just don’t.

3. Explanations and apologies.

“I was so tired, I wasn’t thinking straight.” “I thought you’d appreciate having the tickets ahead of time.” Such explanations may be too complex for text. You won’t do yourself any favors by writing instead of talking. Instead, try, “I owe you an apology. Can we meet tonight?” Then take all the time you need to say it in person.

4. Questions about the other person’s behavior.

“Why didn’t you text me back yesterday?” or “R u mad at me?” Give the person a chance to explain without relying on their thumbs. Meet face to face, or at least voice to voice, before asking the question.

5. Bombshells.

“I think we should see other people,” or, “They found a lump.” Even positive big news like, “I think I love you,” is best dropped in person, or at least in real time. Most people dislike getting bombshells via text, and might think less of you for doing it.

6. Heavy topics.

Texting wasn’t intended to be a substitute for serious conversations about heavy topics like child custody issues, IRS audits, health problems, etc. Wait for, or create, a face-to-face opportunity to discuss these.

7. Private information.

Credit card numbers, naked photos – anything you wouldn’t want to see posted all over the Internet should not be texted, either. Hackers could gain access to your messages without your knowledge or permission.

8. Secrets.

“J. doesn’t know that M. and C. are dating behind D. and N.’s backs,” or “Betsy is such a klepto.” As above, always assume your message could end up in front of the wrong pair of eyes. Avoid risk. Just don’t.

The Courage Not to Text

No matter how many posts you read about what not to send in a text, you might still end up typing things you shouldn't. Why does this happen?

Many people are uncertain how to handle difficult conversations in person. Texting offers a feeling of safety and distance: You don’t have to look into the other person’s eyes and figure out how to respond from moment to moment.

If this describes you, it might help you to know that most of us have trouble with difficult conversations. Handling a topic flawlessly is not the point. The point is to show up and be open to floundering around a bit with someone who really matters to you.

Comments

Five Simple Ways to Start Communicating More Mindfully

#Communication #HealthyRelationship #Mindfulness If you've ever practiced mindfulness, you're probably already aware of the many benefits it offers for the willing and dedicated practitioner. When we open ourselves to this practice, we create the potential for our lives to be transformed in ways that might seem subtle but are truly life-altering. Though many of the benefits of mindfulness are personal and internal—improved concentration, expanded sense of awareness, increased patience, and enduring states of tranquility, to name a few—some important aspects of the practice can positively affect our external experience as well. Take communication, for example. Using mindfulness in our communication with others can improve our relationships and help us navigate even the most difficult conversations. If you already have a practice of cultivating mindfulness, a little intention is all you’ll need to start applying it to your communication. If you haven’t yet developed a pra...

New fascinating insights on the psychological effects of Hugging

#Hug #Hugging #Emotions #Stress #Mood #BlackMaleTherapist #Psychotherapy #MentalHealth During the COVID-19 pandemic and associated lockdowns and restrictions, one of the things many people missed most was getting hugged by their loved ones. This led to an increased interest in the positive effects of hugging in the psychology research community and several studies published over the last year have yielded new insights on what it means to us to be hugged. Here are four of the most interesting new insights into the science of hugging. 1. Getting hugged by others, but also hugging yourself, reduces stress hormones A recent study by researcher Aljoscha Dreisoerner from the Goethe University in Frankfurt, Germany, and his team focused on the positive effects of hugging on stress (Dreisoerner et al., 2021). Interestingly, the scientists not only investigated how getting hugged by other people could reduce stress, but also whether hugging yourself (e.g., when other people are not ...

The Unique Benefits of Teletherapy.

#BlackTherapist #Teletherapy #Triple5LightTherapy.com #AfricanAmerican #Therapist b y Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. Teletherapy is seen as an inferior alternative to in-person therapy. But while it has some drawbacks, online therapy has plenty of pluses, too. First the drawbacks: Some clients miss their therapist’s office, which they associate with safety and healing, said Jodi Aman , LCSW, a psychotherapist in Rochester, N.Y. Technical difficulties—from poor internet connections to visibility issues–can interrupt sessions. Finding a private, quiet space at home can be challenging. Still, many people prefer teletherapy. As psychologist Regine Galanti , Ph.D, pointed out, the biggest myth about teletherapy is that it’s “a plan B approach.” Many of Galanti’s clients have been doing online sessions for years. Her teen clients, in particular, like attending therapy in their own space. Teletherapy is also convenient. “[I]t removes time barriers for people to ...

5 Communication Tweaks That Increase Intimacy

#Communication #trust #Empathy #Attachment #mirroring #reciprocating #apology #defensive #Psychology “Working on our communication” is one of the most commonly cited reasons couples seek relationship counseling. This is not surprising. Often, over time, even the best of relationships can fall victim to negative communication patterns. This is especially true for couples who find themselves under a lot of stress because, naturally, when our coping mechanisms are overtaxed, we default to older—more primitive and less mature—ways of coping (cf. Weinberger & Stoycheva, 2019). A colleague used to say that when we are distressed, we become caricatures of ourselves—i.e., our worst qualities become exaggerated. It gets harder to employ our most thought-out and balanced ways of interacting with the world. However, several tweaks only require a little time or effort, just repetition, and attention to our automatic behaviors that we can make to improve our connection with our partners. ...

Triple5Light Therapy

Search This Blog